William

📦 About This Item

Say hello to William™, the premium Southern Visitor Model designed for maximum politeness, exceptional culinary output, and professional-level guest etiquette.

Perfect for:

• Families hosting out-of-town guests

• Anyone who wants immaculate kitchen cleanup

• People who enjoy world-class cheesecake from someone who doesn’t even eat his own masterpiece

• Hosts running a “secret AirBNB” out of their house (shhh)

This unit arrives fully compatible with Uniontown Hospitality Protocols and includes bonus features like Dishwashing Initiative Mode and Laundry Before Departure Auto-Start.

🔧 Product Features

• Polite Guest Engine

• Behaves like the perfect AirBNB guest

• Even when staying in a relative’s house masquerading as an AirBNB

• Automatically senses household routines and adapts

• Ends stay with dishes washed, light cleaning done, and zero stress added

• Cheesecake Mastercraft Module

• Produces elite-tier homemade cheesecake

• Perfectly balanced sweetness

• Smooth, creamy, and structurally sound

• Does not eat his own cheesecake

  • (Unclear whether this is humility, discipline, or self-sacrifice)

• Southern Gentleman Subroutine

• Calm, thoughtful, and genuinely kind

• Improves the vibe of any room he walks into

• Runs on hospitality and quiet competence

• Family-Friendly Compatibility Mode

• Seamlessly integrates with large gatherings

• Good with kids, adults, grandparents, and pets

• Never oversteps, never under-contributes

• Ideal for holidays, family reunions, and group chaos

📐 Technical Specifications

⚠️ Warnings

• Cheesecake may cause emotional dependence among family members.

• Guests may feel inadequate after seeing his cleaning habits.

• May set unrealistic expectations for all future “AirBNB” guests.