📦 About This Item
Introducing Nikki™, the stylish, smart, self-assured young-adult model who radiates confidence in every scenario… except one:
Family volleyball.
This variant features:
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Street-Smart Navigation Engine (high performance)
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Social Awareness Processor (excellent)
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Aesthetic Output (impeccable)
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Volleyball Avoidance Reflex (catastrophically overpowered)
Perfect for family gatherings, social events, and any environment free of airborne spherical threats.
🔧 Product Features
• High Confidence Core
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Calm under pressure
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Readily handles complex social situations
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Capable of charming entire rooms
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Will immediately crumble if a volleyball is introduced
• Volleyball Avoidance Reflex (VAR)
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Detects volleyball trajectories at lightning speed
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Initiates evasive maneuvers not yet classified by physics
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Includes:
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Jumping away
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Ducking
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Spinning
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Shielding face
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Rapid teleportation to behind a cousin
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0% chance of actually hitting the ball
• New-to-the-Family Compatibility
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Integrates smoothly into chaotic family traditions
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Laughs easily
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Excellent attitude toward bizarre Thanksgiving rituals
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Compatible with Tyler™ Intern-Dad-Band Edition
• Observation Mode
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Watches volleyball games enthusiastically
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Cheers loudly
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Will offer moral support from a safe distance of 12+ feet
📐 Technical Specifications
| Feature | Description |
|---|---|
| Age | Early 20s |
| Confidence Level | High (non-volleyball) |
| Volleyball Comfort Level | Zero |
| Social Adaptability | Excellent |
| Avoidance Speed | Stunning |
| Relationship Status | Tyler-Linked |
| Tradition Familiarity | Updating… |
⚠️ Warnings
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Do not attempt to pass the ball to this model. She will panic.
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Not intended for use in competitive volleyball settings.
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Does not recognize the “It’s coming to you!” warning as helpful.
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Introducing a volleyball may void the confidence warranty.
1 review for Nikki
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J. Bright –
⭐⭐⭐☆☆ 3.0 out of 5 stars
“Confident and street-smart… until the volleyball shows up.”
Reviewed by J. Bright — Tallmadge, OH
Nikki gives off the vibe of someone who’s got life figured out — confident, cool, street-smart, totally capable.
Until the family volleyball game starts.
The instant a volleyball comes her way, she disintegrates like a video game character taking critical damage. She jumps out of the way, shields her face, ducks behind relatives, teleports to new locations — anything to avoid actually hitting the ball.
It’s impressive, in a way.
Not helpful for the game, but impressive.
3 stars — she’s awesome, but her volleyball survival instincts override all known logic.